Bramley Famli

2 Saturday mornings ago I took Carli, Jordi, Brad and Jason (friends) to Peter Bee Pets. I’ve posted about a visit to Pete before. It’s always fun, simply because Pete has some of the kewlest animals in his shop.

If you’ve not been there, and you don’t mind a trek out to Krugersdorp, then load up your kids and take a visit.

The kids got to touch, play with, feel, watch and experience all sorts of things. From Bearded Dragons, to Water Lizards being fed, to Ball Pythons, to a stunning Cockateel, and of course the 3 alligators in their enclosure.

I’ve posted some pics on my Picasa site. Click here if you’d like a look.

Every now and then I get an opportunity to stretch my writing into a more personal and family space by writing something for Jozi Kids’ Blog. There are times I get asked to put something forward around a theme they’re working on, and then there are times I end up writing something that I submit in case it works for them.

Merle who acts as many things at Jozi Kids is a great resource to me in my writing. I often babble on saying way to little with way too many words (you can ask Leish to verify that). Merle helps with that : )

My latest post was around an expeirence I had with myself while driving my mother home from a Grannie’s day at our daughter’s school.

Click here if you’d like to have a read.

It’s no secret in our home at the moment, that Carli’s gymnastics future is hanging in the balance. She’s bored, or not into it, or over it, or something? But she’s certainly thinking about whether she wants to continue to do it or not. Leish got her to commit to the end of the term, and the end of the term, she is here.

If I’m honest I’m hoping this opens a little opportunity for Carli and I to ride bikes together. She certainly enjoys it more than Jordi, and I’m standing in the wings plotting and planning, that should she throw in her gymnastics towel, that I can offer her 2 attractive slots each week to go down to the MTN/Toyota Cycle Park in Bryanston to ride together. Of course it works for me because of my own BMX history, and the thought of having 2 or 3 hours each week focused on riding with one of our daughters, and maybe both from time to time, gets all the right bells and whistles sounding off in me : )

Of course I’ve got to tread carefully here. Nothing worse than living out your parent’s dreams and fantasies when actually you’d rather be doing something else. So I’m trying not to be too enthusiastic, doing less selling of the idea, and jumping at each opportunity Carli gives when she says anything close to, ‘Hey dad, can we go to the bike park?’. Rain, hail, snow or shine, I’m there : )

Last Monday we went together. Carli on her bike, and me on a rented BMX from the park. Wish I could take a camera with us, but I’m still not sure I’m not going to destroy myself in some over-zealous manoeuvre. So the pic included is in the parking lot before we headed out.

Click here for 2 larger pics.

Easter means lots of different things to lots of different people. Easter also means lots of different things to each member of this family. We’re all at different ages, life stages and understanding of who God is and isn’t in our lives. It makes for a rich conversation full of learning and new understanding each time we explore it together.

This Easter was no different. Looking through the filter of Carli, Jordi, Leish and I gave me fresh perspectives and new learnings as I worked hard to embrace how each of us saw it. We had an Easter full of learning this year as we plugged into the events that Ridgeway (a Church based in Rivonia) put on for it’s members and visitors (us).

On Friday we attended their ‘Stations of the Cross’. They did an amazing job setting up stations for people to go through and reflect on, as they thought through Jesus’ death and resurrection over the Easter weekend. Leish took Jordi through, and I took Carli.

I know Leish has some great insights having gone through with Jordi. Mine came about as I ‘translated’ the reflections into language and context that Carli could grasp. Ridgeway did an amazing job providing practical exercises to bring conceptual ideas into a practical physical space.

For example, in the ‘forgiveness’ station they had two bowls, one filled with a bitter paste and the other with chocolate. The reading above the bowls spoke of what happens when we don’t forgive people who have wronged us? So often there is a bitterness that’s created that we walk around with. But when we’re able to truly forgive, the bitterness goes and is replaced by a sweet taste. It made my work of helping Carli understand the impact of forgiveness, or not, very easy, very palpable, and very real.

And on Sunday we joined them for their Sunrise Service. It was held at one of the Church members homes in Bryanston. The most beautiful home at the top of one of the ridges. Facing the sunrise we were treated to a beautiful start to the day, and again, another very physical illustration of something of what it means to say, ‘Christ has Risen’.

From there we went home to find Easter eggs. This year significantly different in that Carli had asked the question the night before as to who is really behind the ‘Easter Bunny’. Leish and I have agreed that when ‘the question’ is asked that we’ll be honest. Along with the shattered illusion of the Easter Bunny went the Tooth Fairy. She didn’t ask about Father Christmas, but I imagine it’s a question that will be asked as December approaches? Perhaps she wont ask it this year for fear of losing some large presents that Father Christmas is known in our home to bring? We’ll see?

I posted some pics to Picasa from the weekend. Click here to see them.

Over the weekend we had a little fun with my MacBook’s iCam (the little camera on the top of the laptop). And when I say we, it was Carli, Jordi, Em (a friend of Jordi’s), Leish and I.

I’ve posted some of the pics to Picasa.

Have a look if you’d like to see them.

I’m lying on the grass watching three little girls laughing their heads off, in what are the last few moments of our long weekend getaway at Sparkling Waters Hotel (Sprinker Waters to Carli). Jordi, Carli and a new friend (we think is called Lauren) are on a see-saw. Jordi has just tumbled off and it is hilarious. It’s been a weekend full of these kinds of moments, and I’m very aware, as I write this, of how grateful I am to be having it.

Leish is with her mom, grabbing some time out. I miss her. The girls miss her, but it’s good to miss and be missed from time to time.

I’ve often read that it’s healthy for couples to go away with their kids on their own from time to time. It is a different dynamic and I can appreciate why it’s healthy. I wondered if single parents wish for a weekend with another ‘parent’ in the same sort of way?

The age of the girls has been great. They’ve been interested in so many different things this weekend. From wanting to sign the drinks invoice to finding much amusement switching an old lamp on and off. There are many highlights when I think about this weekend. Memories I’ll treasure for a long time, and stories I’m sure we’ll be telling and re-telling for months to come.

Click here for a few pics of the weekend.

For anyone reading this, let me warn you up front that this is a short personal reflection on 17 years being married to the most wonderful woman on the planet, dare I say, the entire known universe and anything else out there we don’t know about….

27 February 2010 signaled 17 years married to Leish. She’s an amazing person who I was fortunate to meet when we were teenagers. We married early by today’s standards and late by yesterday’s, but for whatever reason, God and whoever else conspires to put people together, saw it fit for us to commit our lives to each other, along with the addition of two beautiful little girls (Jordi and Carli).

For our anniversary we spent a wonderful 24 hours together (thanks to Leish’s mom and Arlene and Mark our friends) at Mount Grace. A spar treatment and time at the hotel in the most beautiful room. Lots of reflection, a little disagreement or two on details : ), some great food, coffee around the fire and a night that I’ll remember for a long time.

Thank you Leish for these years. It hasn’t always been pretty but it’s been an adventure that I’d not wish away. You’ve been good for me, and I hope that I’ve been the same for you. We’ve had memories, experiences, growth, love, joy, pain, happy and sad, good and bad. Every ingredient you need for a real journey with a real person.

I do love you Leish Bramley. Always have. Always will.

What a wonderful sign I got to see over the weekend, as I drove to a party that Carli (and the family) were invited to.  I’ve seen Leish’s signs that read ‘To Let’. They’re in our garage, in her boot, and I’ve been with her to stick them up. But this was the first one I’ve seen that said “Let By”.

Of course it’s not the first spot Leish has rented out, she’s been a machine for a year now with Aim High Properties. She tells us all about them (and some of her stories are amazing), but we’ve not been treated to a visit to a post-rented spot. Not until Saturday.

Go Leisha, Go Leisha, Go Leisha, Go, Go!

Want to see the pic in a larger format? Click here.

Imago Relationships sends out a monthly news letter called Connections. There are usually around 3 articles in the newsletter, and I have always enjoyed at least one of them very much. I’m a fan of the Imago Relationship Philosophy, and the articles serve as a practical reminder to why we got married in the first place, and then, more importantly, why we should be working our asses off to ensure they remain fulfilling, successful and wonderful places to find and give healing.

In this month’s issue the article I enjoyed the most is called ‘The Gift that keeps on Giving‘. It’s the best overview I’ve seen so far, from Imago, dealing with the why and how we chose our partner. Essentially it’s because we see in them the ‘missing parts’ that our missing in our own lives from childhood (I know, for some this may seem a strange concept – hang in there, it is interesting).

We entered adulthood with many of our childhood needs still unmet. And now we expect our spouse to finally meet those needs.  That’s why our unconscious mind picked this person in the first place. But there was one obstacle. This person whom we chose to meet our unmet childhood needs had to be like our parents; the same parents who couldn’t meet all our needs in the first place.

The key, suggested in this article, is for us to ask our partner for what we need. Our partner is not only in a position to help us find healing by meeting our unmet needs, but in them responding, by doing, their own healing takes place at the same time.

It’s my experience that simply asking isn’t enough. There’s a lot of careful work that needs to go into the asking, in order to avoid asking in a way that get’s their back up. Both partners having a working knowledge of Imago is important, but I also think there are other frameworks that can help in this space. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a useful guide to phrasing the questions in the best possible way.

The key is in how we see the process of asking for what we need. This is the gift that keeps on giving. When we ask for what we need, we are asking someone who does not have the ability to do what we ask. The ability to meet our need was buried or lost a long time ago. The request for what we need is the key to our partner’s wholeness. When we ask, they must really stretch and find those lost characteristics that will enable them to meet our needs and, at the same time, finally become whole again.

3 weeks away! We’ve not done that together as a family. We do try and go away a lot, but we’ve never gone for this long. We’ve always talked about it, dreamed about, intended to do it, but this was the first time we’ve done it. And it was the most wonderful time ever.

We took a two week booking from some friends who changed their holiday plans and spent that part of the holiday in Plettenberg Bay. We’ve not been there before and it was wonderful The beaches were great, the weather rocked and I think, bar two days, we visited the beach every day.

While Jordi pushed herself further than she ever has, the waves were still a little too daunting to fully master feeling comfortable with a ‘complete’ swimming experience. Carli took a few days to warm up to the sea, but once she did, we couldn’t keep her out of the water.

The girls got ‘tattoos’ on one of the days. A little more complex and involved than the ones you get from the vending machines in Spur, and they were very proud of them, while they lasted. See the pics for more detail.

One of my favourite memories of the holiday was on our last day in Plett. Leish and I started a ‘happy experience’ thing each morning. We’d ask each other for something that would make a happy on each day. Our last day was to swim together in the sea. It ended up being the worst day of weather we had, but we still managed to make it down to the beach in the afternoon. As I played at the back-line, I waved for Leish to come in. She hates water temp that isn’t fairly close to bath heat, and so I expected her to answer with a ‘no’. But to the amazement of me, and the girls, she got up, and did a ‘baywatch’ as she ran across the beach, and glided through the waves to the back-line. We didn’t stay long, but it was a memory I will remember. It was a ‘happy’.

From Plett we moved onto Franschhoek to a friends wedding at Rickety Bridge (see the previous post). We got to visit with our friends Tracy and Cade, and in general had a really relaxing end, with some unique experiences, before heading back to Jozi, via Bloem.

So another 11 months to the next one of these. Work work work for 3 weeks of complete relaxation and fun. Yes please.

Click here to see some pics.